I love you, You’re going to make it

Me, on my white board.. I’ve not spoken in 22 days now. I’m tired.  Talking about doing surgery monday, planning on doing surgery monday, running tests in preparation for monday.

My husband runs his hand through my hair and says, “I love you, you’re going to make it, I love you.” and all I can think is. OK. I will make it for you. I will make it because you LOVE ME this much.

So I won’t tell you that i’m tired and scared. I won’t tell you I’m living in costant gut wrenching fear. I won’t tell you that at night, I can’t even cry anymore. I’m petrified like stone, like rock. I’m that scared.

SO while you whisper to me, I love you, I stay quiet. I love you. So I stay quiet.

In case you forgot, Andrew Dixon you are the love of my life, the reason why i’m just letting you cuddle and pamper me. The reason why I’ve let you watch arena with me with me saying nothing all day, because I love you.