November 2011
5 posts
October 2011
4 posts
I love you, You're going to make it
Me, on my white board.. I’ve not spoken in 22 days now. I’m tired. Talking about doing surgery monday, planning on doing surgery monday, running tests in preparation for monday.
My husband runs his hand through my hair and says, “I love you, you’re going to make it, I love you.” and all I can think is. OK. I will make it for you. I will make it because you LOVE ME...
September 2011
15 posts
I ruin my own happiness
No matter what. I find a way to fuck up being content and happy.
2 tags
I need someone on my side.
I can’t do it right now, I need someone to stand up and shout at the world that I AM FREAKING OUT. I feel really sick and weak. I feel like I’m falling apart. I need someone to be on my side and fight for me, I can’t fight anymore.
What doesn't kill you...
only prolongs the amount of time you have to wish it would make up it’s sissy mind and kill you or go the fuck away.
5 tags
Lovely bones quote
I was here for a moment, and then I was gone. I wish you all a long and happy life
Being able to breathe
Changes my personality 180 degrees. i’m a lot easier to get along with if I don’t feel like I’m drowning in my lungs. They drained over a liter of fluid off my lungs and suddenly I’m content and able to sleep. Well i’ll be damned, breathing is important.
sick. again. part 1109
Hospitalized for high fever, possible endocarditis. I feel like SHIT. I’m trying so hard to keep everyone else calm, so I can be upset and anxious alone.
August 2011
42 posts
4 tags
6 tags
5 tags
Nothing really fixes being a bad human being
It’s funny how quickly you went from the scumbag only I recognize to a scumbag everyone recognizes. I could finally tell my side of the story. Sometimes good things happen to bad people, but sometimes, on occasion the bad things that happen to good people turn into good things!! I took on your lemons and had a nice tall drink, and continued kicking ass.
Have fun in exordium cleptic, I hope...
Please stop leaving me, I can’t handle it with everything else. Please.
Abandonment
When people I don’t like al ot leave me, I still feel abandoned.
Catharsis
Erasing your guild page every few days is helping me get over how angry I still am. I deserve to be mad, but i don’t need to stay mad. It’s a work in progress.
For those who are following..
I was diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder, autoimmune acquired von willebrands disease. On pills now and should be back home soonish.
5 tags
5 tags
Just so you know
Clint, i’d of been a better friend to you had you grown some testicles within the year I knew you. It just never happened
If it was up to me..
I would make it so you’d never have to grieve when I die, that you could just remember me happily. If it was up to me you would just be happy i was here. But it’s not, so the most painful part of this process is that I know it’s bringing you pain.
My babies, remember mommy loves you. In case you ever forget, mommy loved you more than ANYTHING.
Raindrops
All my blessings have come through great pain and fighting. I have to STRUGGLE to be blessed, and thus I am humble through the process. Pain deserves to be respected because it’s a teacher.
3 tags
“There’s no such thing as forever”
– Sookie Stackhouse, episode 44
Despite it all
Despite it all i’m pushing towards the blessing, the joy of it all. I AM ALIVE!! I’m lucky, blessed. Life is not what I expected it to be, but in many ways it’s a million times better.
Cry
I’m so lonely. I miss my husband, our kids, our dogs. I want to go home. I can do this. right? Right.
I am bright, I am light, I am one to strong to fight. (it’s a line from charmed, but i feel better anyways)
5 tags
I made it!!!
I made it to Minnesota, and I’m shocked at how green it is. I guess I should have suspected this, but it seriously looks like plants could take over the entire world here. I’m not sure I’m ready to live in a plant ruled world, I’ve eaten one to many salads for that to sit well! After getting two units of red cells I began to feel better, doctors here have tomorrow (or well...
6 tags
A Serious Life Occurence.
I woke up this morning really confused, in a puddle of blood. Blood all over my face, no one knows why but my Red blood cell count was very low, and so was my platelet count. After 2 transfusions my CBC is looking a bit better, but this occurrence is extremely disturbing to my medical team. With all the drugs going through my veins it’s no wonder this is occurring, but after doing tests all...
1 tag
6 tags
7 tags
No one told me..
No one told me..That once I got VF, I’d be scared of dust storms.
No one told me..That driving by construction sites would make me turn off the air conditioner.
No one told me..That I’d have “day at hospital” on my calendar at least twice a week.
No one told me..That my children would have to answer questions about why their mom isn’t like everyone elses.
No one...
